I have often wondered to what degree I am in charge of my happiness. Are my emotions just like koi that grow to the parameters of their pond? If that is true, is it chance or hydroelectric engineers that form my environment and in turn shapes me? How do these metaphors transfer to concrete details? Is nature the main influence of my feelings in which case I lack control. Or is nurture the culprit of my notorious ups and downs. Grasshopper say, fish grow to the size of their pond. So that must be true. But what does that mean exactly? I believe in nature and nurture. I believe nature launches the illness in me and therefore my brain works differently than the 98.5 percent of the population that has not been diagnosed bipolar. But I am here through it all. I have a voice that speaks inside of me and aloud to the world. My voice is influenced by my unique brain and the neurotransmitters and chemicals that make me so different. When I think of the fish and the pond, I remember a recent swim in the reservoir with Amber with minnows nibbling our toes. Fish grow to the size of their pond; we know that. But the truth is, the pond also grows to the size of the fish, or more accurately the pond shrinks. As the fish eats algae and pond plants, it expels its waste, and eventually, the fish forgets it is a fish and the pond forgets if its name is “pond” or “fish.” If I can bring myself to laugh or smile or cut out my anger when it comes, that is when I will overcome the war I sometimes wage with myself.