Right now I feel really good because I finally got exercise today.  I did not have my usual good walk this morning and it slung me into some sad feelings.

I don't know if it is a good thing or a bad thing, but I have been very isolated lately.  Though I call people three or four times a day still, no one ever calls me.  No one reaches out by the phone.

It is my way to need to talk some to emote, to laugh, to cry. So today I called the crisis center because I needed to cry and no one will listen anymore.

I know that I am loved. I know that sometimes that love comes with reservations, usually.

So I called someone whose business is to help people like me, people with diagnosises of mental illness. People who need to know that someone out there cares about me.

And then, after a lot of good crying and letting out of emotions and worries and fear, then I went to the pool and swam like my butt was on fire.